Four things to include in your resilience routine.

by Clara Wilcox

When you become a parent, life can shift. When you look back on the transition from BK (before kid), you can wonder what you used to do with your time. Energy levels can vary, time feels like it runs at a different rate and you become an expert in topics that you didn’t even know existed (hands up who has a Pokémon fan) Life gets full and it can feel like you are being pulled in a whole range of directions. Work, Home, Friends, Family, Community; at what stage do you place YOU into that list? Isn’t it about time you considered placing yourself higher up on the self-care list? Today I’m going to share three things to include in your resilience routine. 

Self-care seems to have been taken over by commercialisation; and with it, there can be an assumption that it’s a flippant or luxurious act. Even worse, it can feel another thing to tick off to an ever-expanding to-do list; more worrisome than welcome! But what if I challenge this belief and explore something far more serious. That rather than a nice to have, self-care is a necessary part of building and maintaining your resilience. It’s a way of banking your emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing for the moments that matter.

Resilience is something that we know we need at the very moment that it escapes us. When life presents challenges; changes that knock us off our day to day, test our capabilities and patience. It can be something that on a typical day, would bounce off, with hardly a dent in our stride, but with our stress bucket running low, it is just too much. 

In 2020, life was truly thrown up in the air. As parents, we have been tested beyond measure. The challenges have been coming in at all areas: financial, health, relationships, work. The stressors that we may get spread out across our lifetime have come running at us full pelt. Maybe you can connect with one or more of these statements? 

You are in firefighting mode.

 You are trying to do multiple jobs at once.

 You are worried about the state of the world

 You are balancing a new way of living.

 You are worried about your children.

When this happens it’s easy for your needs to be pushed way down the line and can lead to you burning out and getting overwhelmed. However, having a checklist of things that you need to do, for your wellbeing every day, means that you may end up with enough in your reserves when you need it.  

I need to start this by saying these don’t have an allocation of time against them – we all know as a parent, we don’t have “spare” time, in the true sense. This is about making sure these elements are present in life as often as possible; ideally daily, but not necessarily. Because trust me, when they are not present, we feel it. For me, my behaviour changes: I’m irritable!

Four things to include in your resilience routine

Movement

From a kitchen disco when the kettle is boiling to a brisk walk back from the school run, to regular stretching away from your desk, make sure you move! Ideally, this is outside – let’s not underestimate the power of sunshine and green space! Science has also shown that this movement can trigger the off switch in our stress cycle; helping us bring more emotional calm into our bodies and minds. 

Quiet Time

You may scoff- quiet, time? Are you bonkers! But this is important. Again, not by the amount of time you have, but factoring this into your life. Sometimes my quiet time isn’t literal, it may be reading whilst the kids are doing something else, it may be five minutes focusing on my breathing before I get up for the day. This is about having a moment where you aren’t doing or planning or reacting.

Connection

I think we ALL know the importance of this right now. Reaching out to friends and family is essential! Luckily we live in a time where tech can help – but if you have family members that aren’t as savvy, then writing a letter to communicate how you are feeling can help, if you can’t speak, see or text them.

Fun!

This is possibly the most important one, to be honest. Remembering to have fun! To be creative, to play, to laugh! This is everything from watching a funny film, playing a board game, zoom date nights with friends or creating things with the kids.

Whilst we all maybe be filling our daily to list with duties as long as our arms, I want you today to remember to add these things to your list. How would it feel to get to the end of each day and know that you have ticked off things like fun? This is not just for what we are going through right now, but to create a new way of life where our needs are included alongside the essential and mundane. Realise self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary for our wellbeing!

Clara Wilcox is a straight-talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career coaching and professional development. The Balance Collective has a social mission, focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance. Isn’t it time you had a career to enjoy?