All parents ponder over what they should or shouldn’t say to their child about sex and relationships. It’s a sensitive and often embarrassing subject and it’s easy to shy away from.

Whether a child is neurodiverse or neuro-typical you want the same outcome, for them to have a healthy understanding of relationships. When discussing relationships with neurodiverse children the approach needs to be thought through on a deeper level as clarity is key to helping them stay safe, understand social rules, set appropriate boundaries and make wise decisions that they are comfortable with.

Here are 5 tips on how to discuss sex and relationships with your child.

1. Get Talking

By talking to your child about relationships they will know that you are happy to talk and therefore approachable with any questions they may have.

Talking about friendships and relationships from an early age can be helpful, as this builds a foundation and will help you when you need to discuss deeper issues such as puberty and sex.

It may be that it is your child who begins to talk about relationships and ask questions. Don’t shy away from answering them, perhaps consider having answers ready so you can give an age-appropriate response.

2. Get Creative

It can be helpful to use visuals when talking about relationships to ensure understanding and clarity. This is where you can get creative and communicate to your child through play, pictures and charts.

You could design a table listing various actions such as kissing, holding hands, touching private parts and having sex and then write a column with various people included, for example, friends, pupils, family members, teachers and strangers. Together discuss what would be appropriate actions with the various people and place a tick or cross to show what’s okay and what’s not. Keep the table in a place where they can refer back to it.

Photos of family members and friends can be a great visual to help your child understand the various types of relationships, such as marriage, parents, children and friends.

Picture books such as those published by Beyond Words can help explain relationships, love and friendship.

3. Speak to Others

Discussing sensitive and personal subjects is certainly not an easy one and at times support and advice are needed.

Find out what the school or college are teaching on sex education, this can be a great starting point for a conversation with your child, and you can ensure that what you’re teaching them is in line with what the school are. You can also help them to understand any aspects of sex education that they didn’t understand.

Connecting with other parents can be helpful whether they are friends or support groups online. Ask them how they dealt with talking to their child about relationships and take some tips from them.

4. Move Past the Embrassessment

Talking about puberty and sex is probably one of the most embarrassing and uncomfortable subjects to talk to your children about, but it also important. Every parent wants to keep their child safe and know that they are equipped with the knowledge to make wise choices.

Talking to other parents that have been in the same situation as you can offer support and advice on how to discuss the issue of sex and relationships.

5. Use Language They’ll Understand

Children and young people with neurodiverse needs can often take what’s said literally and this can be scary or cause confusion.

As mentioned earlier using visual aids such as picture books and photos may help your child to understand what you’re saying.

Ask your child to share with you their thoughts and feelings on what you’ve shared, this way you can gain an idea of their understanding and clarify anything you may need to.

Wrapping It Up

It’s not easy talking to children about sex and relationships but it’s important that parents do so, so that open conversations can be had and clarity can be given.

If parents are not teaching their children about relationships then they will learn it from other means such as social media and their friends. This could be damaging and upsetting as information shared may be confusing or worrying to a child or young person with neurodiverse needs.

It can be helpful for parents to plan responses ahead of time, begin to talk to their children as they grow and discuss various aspects of relationships as they mature, so their children can make safe and comfortable decisions.

Emma Pinnock

Written by Rebekah Louise